Stories of YES #26 - Define "Real"

This wondrous and true perspective was written by a big sister in response to an incident at a party where some girls played a game they call family and there were “real” kids and “adopted” kids. Her little sister was upset and fortunately her best friend saw this and ordered the game to end. The family was not angry about the incident, just sad as they know it won’t be the first or last time these things happen in her life. Enter her big sister, who heard what happened and came home from college to have a “sister day” with her eight-year-old sibling. Later, she wrote this thoughtful post:

"The definition of the word "real" is straightforward. It is not a word that is commonly misused. This being said, there are certain contexts where the word holds power. Power to hurt. Power to confuse. Power to make one overthink. The situation I am referring to is adoption.
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I hear this term used all the time when referring to biological versus adopted children. “Are they your real child?” The question a person is intending to ask is “Are they your biological child?” This does not anger me. I understand that not everyone in the world has had a reason to ponder this word in depth like I have. Hearing this word used in this way simply drives me to educate.
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Children who are adopted are real children for many reasons. First, in the most obvious sense, they have a heart that beats and lungs that breathe, they are real humans. The second concept is where I hear the most people struggle. Children who are adopted are real members of the family. To quote the definition above, I will say that my sister, who is adopted, is not my ‘imagined or supposed’ sister. I think very few people can argue that fact. She is the realest, coolest, smartest, funniest sister out there.
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Being aware of how amazing my sister is makes it hard to see her upset. As an eight year old child, hearing the word "real" used in the way described above upsets her. She doesn’t get angry and yell, but the gears in her head start turning and going into overdrive. She ponders phrases like these with her whole heart. At eight years old she thinks about the validity of her family. I know that she knows she is our family, but the fact that others might be confused about that has an effect on her that is heartbreaking to me as her sister.
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Take time and choose your words carefully. Think about how they might be perceived. Parents, take five minutes out of your day to explain this to your child, your partner, your friends, your parents, the cashier at the grocery store. I would appreciate it and many others would as well."

- Morgan Bennett