Stories of YES #56

 

She's a friend. She's a fierce mama. And she's also an adoptee.

Dani was adopted internationally from Colombia at almost seven years of age. She was adopted into a wonderful and loving forever family, and though she - admittedly - lets the unhappy childhood parts get in the way sometimes, she says, "I live in gratitude everyday for the life I have today. I recognize, as an adoptee, that I have these blessings because I was adopted. Most importantly, I've learned to treasure my own children how I wish I had been. They are blessings from God given to us as gifts to be treasured."

On a personal note, I'll never forget when our son, in second grade, entered into a new program - and a new class - at school. The entire class had been together for a couple of years, with the exception of our son who was having trouble adjusting and being accepted. Dani read my Facebook post, written from the distraught heart of a mother, and she quickly took the charge to change things for him. After all, she knew how desperately a child can long to be accepted at that age, and our son - like her - had been adopted. Dani invited our son to play with hers. Not once - but again, and again, and again. It took a few months for these boys of a similar nature to come out of their shells, but once they did it was golden. And then, she didn't hesitate - nor did the boys - to bring our other (adopted) son into the mix. Three years later, they're musketeers and we're so thankful for their sweet friendship. She feeds their bellies and their souls. She has house rules but she allows them to be kids. Dani's an open book, and the message on her shirt resonates so deeply within her heart. Our family is grateful for her beautiful open heart.

We recognize and acknowledge that adoption is born from loss and not all adoption stories are "rainbows and unicorns" but we always praise the Lord for the happily ever after..." 

 

- Lisa Murphy, Open Hearts for Orphans

Stories of YES #55 - Perspective on older child adoption: Feeling Family

 

A couple of weeks ago we were talking about older child adoption with some friends who are currently in process for an older boy. Andrew knows them, and we were asking him if he ever got out of the orphanage when he lived in China, what did he think of the “outside world”? I recalled how he told me he once went to a wedding with one of his nannies (he was a favorite for obvious reasons ) I said, “Yeah, wasn’t it her daughter’s wedding or something?” He said he didn’t know whose wedding it was but he remembers going to one. And then he said something that made us all stop and we had to process what his words meant.

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He said, “I didn’t even know what that meant...‘daughter’ or ‘son.’ I didn’t even know that existed. I thought we were all just human.”

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This is my 14 year old son recalling what his 10-year-old self thought about family. To be clear… he didn’t know what family even was. Can you imagine? He realizes now, in hindsight, he didn’t know what the concept of ‘family’ meant. It’s hard for us to even comprehend that for the same reason it was hard for him to understand what it meant to be a son. When all you’ve ever known is living in an institution with caregivers who come and go, it isn’t something that crosses your mind.

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Growing up in an orphanage is not how children should be raised. But for some children, it’s just all they know… until they FEEL what family is, they don’t understand what they are missing. It’s maybe one of the saddest paradoxes in our world today. They are living day to day, in a constantly changing, ever uncertain environment, and they make the best of it because they are kids and it’s all they know. But WE know better. And so we can do better, for them.

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Family isn’t blood, it isn’t a name, it isn’t proximity... it’s unconditional, never gonna give-up, you before me kinda love. It isn’t always pretty, it’s far from perfect, and it will test you over and over again, but family is for everyone… and everyone deserves family.

-Alison Dewberry Dri