Stories of YES #36 - Dear Lian's Tummy Mom

{This post is a few days late, but too beautiful not to share.}

 

Today is, I'm sure, a hard day for you. It's a day that was a mixture of excitement, exhaustion, joy, and pain. It was the day you birthed your son.

I'm sure you held him in your arms and maybe tears fell from your eyes as you took in the wonder of all of him. I'm sure you felt the rush of motherly love when his tiny fingers first wrapped around yours, his head on your chest.

I'm sure that six years ago, you felt the joy of motherhood and I'm sure your heart was troubled when the doctors broke the news that the little one you carried under your heart for nine months had all the markers of Down syndrome.

For five weeks, you stretched our your time with him, savoring every moment, every smell, every kiss on his tiny forehead. We may never know the pressures you were under, but I know you loved him. We may never know what difficult life circumstances held you hostage from motherhood.

We may never know.

What we do know is that you left him in a place that was completely safe, you wished him a good life, you wrote that "he is my angel" and you begged the reader to take care of him, to give him milk and keep him warm. You said he was a "good baby".

We do know that.

The door of that baby drop box must have felt the heaviest walking out that day.

I know you'll probably never read this, but if you do, I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for putting this sweet boy someplace safe. Somewhere where he'd be found and cared for until his forever family could get him.

I want you to know that he is treasured, loved and adored. I want you to know that I wish that this cruel world didn't take away all of your choices or help. I wish you could know him, all his funny ways. I wish you could have the jewels of his arms around your neck. I really do. I know that I am only second best.

I want to thank you for giving him life, for loving and caring for him until you had to make that hard choice.

He is an incredible little man and has forever changed us in all the best ways.

So, today, as we celebrate his birthday, I hope that somehow you know that he is safe and loved beyond measure.

I pray that your heart will rest in that even through the undeniable veil of aching that it holds. I'm thinking of you today, and praying for you.

Love,

Lian's Adoptive Mama

- Cady Driver