Embracing Advent

I have to confess...

This year, I've struggled with embracing Advent. As hard as I've tried to stay focused on preparing my heart for the coming of Christ, I have constantly been sidetracked.

And busy.  And preoccupied. 

The other day, I read the first lines of an amazing blog I frequent, and read this:

"Whenever Christmas begins to burden, it's a sign that I've taken on something of the world and not of Christ."

And just like that, I felt totally exposed...and completely guilty. That line hit me like a ton of bricks, because, I, too, have done exactly that.

Why is it so difficult to let go of the stresses of everyday life? To not lose patience or get angry with my precious little ones? To relinquish the stuff that really doesn't matter, and to just live freely and embrace each moment?  Why is it so tough in this world to just let it all go and let God? 

For Heaven's sake, I've lost a child. How can I afford to take a single moment for granted?  Especially after what we've gone through as a family?  And after the tragic events that took place last week?

Earlier today I felt very agitated, and I really couldn't identify why. But I knew that I needed to head back to church after Mass. With my sweet husband's encouragement, I drove over to the Adoration Chapel to spend some quiet time in the presence of our Lord.  I felt such incredible peace in being there. And I was finally able to open my heart back up, and face the flaws of my human nature. Of course, my enlightenment came with many tears.  I kinda felt like Jimmy Stewart in It's a Wonderful Life.

As I reflect on the fourth Sunday of Advent, I accept that I am perfectly imperfect.  And I will keep trying to do better.  For you, Lord Jesus, I will do better.