Stories of Yes #49 - Keeping it Real

“Are they REAL sisters?” the woman asks with a big, enthusiastic smile. We are at a new school and she runs the summer program. She has fallen in love with the girls and wants to know all about their past. She is warm and kind and my stomach sinks. I have been doing this for 24 years: educating people about adoption.
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I say “of course” as she pushes on what she really means: “But were they sisters in China? Are your five girls BIOLOGICALLY related?” Hope and Ellie stand there wanting this answer, too. Listening to the “realness” of their family be dissected.
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“They are sisters now,” I say firmly. “Real sisters!” She doesn’t get it. She has more questions. The snarky part of me wants to answer with: “So tell me how you were conceived. How did you end up in your family? A little too much wine on Friday night? Are you sure that’s your REAL dad?”
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Because here is the thing: no one would say that. It’s nosy and unkind and none of my business. So why doesn’t anyone understand that’s how it is for adoptees? Their stories are painful. There isn’t a way around this truth: to gain a family you must lose a family. You must lose everything. And that isn’t a story to tell in the pick-up line with other kids and parents within ear shot.
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Let me, once again, speak our truth: we are a REAL family. We love. We grieve. We fight. We forgive. We extend grace. Even here, we extend grace. Keeping it real..." 

- Cindy Newland