Living Lent

I was exhausted. Completely bleary-eyed and dazed. 

I look back now, and I realize that I didn't know if I was coming or going during those first months after Daniel came home. His nights were so restless, bless his heart. Ours were, too.

As my sister-in-Christ and dear friend, Carrie, walked towards me at the YMCA that day in 2010, I'd remembered--the minute I saw her face--that it was Lent. I was broken. It felt as if I'd failed Jesus.

"Oh my God!" I cried. "Carrie, I forgot all about Lent!" 

"Lisa," she said, "Don't you see that you are observing Lent?" "Don't you see that what you are doing to care for Daniel is the greatest sacrifice you can make right now?"

I felt relief--and peace--hearing her words. But I didn't see it. I didn't see sacrifice; I was just being a mom. And I was only doing what I needed to do for my son. 

Four years later, I see it all so clearly in retrospect. Still I see that I was simply being a mom, but now I recognize the sacrifice; I recognize how we were living Lent without even trying to intentionally give something up for the season. We never complained or grumbled about our desperate and worn-out walk. We just lived it.

I realize now how Jesus carried us through that one Lenten journey--the one that I couldn't see, yet was, undoubtedly, was one of the most meaningful in my lifetime. We are closer to Him now because of it.

And our hearts are so, so full.

Isaiah 40:31

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.