Stories of YES #34 - Learning to be humble

When I was pregnant with my first biological child, I wasn’t apprehensive at all. I was so elated that I was becoming a mother. It was all I’d wanted to do since I was very young, and it was a time in my life when I knew I was right where I was supposed to be. I knew it would be hard and that there would be difficult times, but I felt a real peace about it. I even had grand ideas about my labor and delivery and what that would look like - and then I had a 19-hour labor that ended with a broken tail bone and the most beautiful baby boy I’d ever seen - a beautiful baby boy who did not know how to sleep for many years. But those memories faded quickly, and the baby grew, and soon we had baby #2 on the way.

This time I became cocky as pregnancy was “old hat” now. I was not a newbie anymore - I had experience. I went into the delivery room still feeling cocky. But when the Pitocin kicked, and reality set in…I got scared. I realized that, instead of spending the last nine months humbly looking towards this birth, I had been cocky and proud. Of course, I had prayed for my baby and had prepared for her, but the actual birth part? I had forgotten about that. And the first few weeks of no sleep? I kind of forgot about that too. All of a sudden, I remembered that this was going to be HARD. But then I held that beautiful baby girl and took a deep breath, and we moved forward into those hard days and years and formed our new normal once again.

I always compare our first two adoptions in much the same way. The first time I felt so much peace, and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt we were right where God wanted us to be. I was willing to learn, and read, and talk, and listen. And when our daughter came home, it is was hard, but it was such a sweet time. It was later that things got hard - really hard - and then better and then hard again. Just like life!

As we jumped into our second adoption (only six months after coming home), I became cocky - like with my second pregnancy - because I knew this process. This was, once again, “old hat” for me. When people asked me the questions, and I knew the answers. I enjoyed being on “that side” of the process. Even when we got to China I was overly confident even up to the very moment before we received our daughter. And then someone in our group gasped and said “Stacy! There she is!” And sure enough, there she was - a teenager who couldn’t speak English, and who used a wheelchair. The panic began to set in, and I suddenly realized how hard this was, and this had the potential to be so much harder. I started to cry, mostly on the inside (the outward sobbing would come later). I squelched the urge to run. I wanted to scream, “WAIT! I need more time...I’m not ready yet!” But much like labor, the time had come, and there was no turning back. At the end of the day I had a beautiful new daughter. And like holding a newborn baby and wondering what in the world to do, I sat in a hotel room across from a sweet, scared teenager who was also screaming on the inside, “WAIT! I’m not ready yet!” Bless her heart, instead of a meal of Chinese food she’d been accustomed to, we ended up eating instant oatmeal in our room and cold pizza from Pizza Hut. We were all so overwhelmed. But as day one became day two, and then day three, we began to miraculously feel our way, and we began to communicate! Our relationship moved from a newborn phase to a toddler phase and so on. It’s still a process of two steps forward and sometimes one step back - sometimes ten steps back. Each day we wake up and say yes to each other and yes to being a family again, even on the hard days.

Two years ago, as we started our third adoption process, I experienced a new feeling - the same joy and peace of saying yes when we were asked to, and the same fun of expecting a new family member, but now also the deep understanding of the need to be humble. The need to pray for the specifics of what I knew we would need upon coming home, and knowing of the hard to come but also understanding that each day will bring growth and change and what things look like today is not what they will look like in a year. It is a joy to talk with new and expecting adoptive parents and share what I’ve learned both about the process and the coming home and the varying experiences we’ve had parenting our children. My attitude is much different now though - I’m no expert - I’ve still got so much to learn. I’m thankful to the Lord for His mercy on my prideful heart and for teaching me daily - through my children - to lean not on my understanding, but instead to follow him. 

- Stacy Melton Huff

Stories of YES #33 - Clinging to Light

It’s been one year without you today. It still doesn’t feel real. Our hearts are still torn wide open exactly like they were the day you left. They will never be whole again. You brought more joy in our lives than we thought possible. You showed us the miraculous side of adoption, where love is not restrained by blood or DNA. You showed the hard side as well, where we saw the effects of trauma and loss on someone who seemed almost too tiny to be able to handle that great weight.
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We understood just how significant your complex heart was. We KNEW the words “non-correctable” and “palliative surgery” went with your diagnosis. And honestly that knowledge made the leap of faith harder. It was a medical need we had adamantly said we could never handle. But we felt the Lord’s nudge and we clung to the HOPE of His healing. And we know that He did heal you, completely. But none of that makes losing you any easier.
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You were worth every ounce of pain that we experienced and are still experiencing. You always will be. We know that we will be grieving you the rest of our lives and that our hearts will always be forever broken. But you taught us that LOVE is far greater than fear…or even death. Because of you we are braver than we ever thought we could be. Because of you we had the courage to adopt your baby sister, when all her unknowns would have terrified us before.
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Because of you we still cling to the HOPE of God’s promises. Only now it’s the hope of our heavenly home. Where all of our pain will be undone. Where we will all be right and whole again just like we should be.
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“The light shines in the darkness and the dankness will not overcome it” –John 1:5
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We cling to that light with our whole hearts. Every day is one day closer.
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We love you Obi…..and we always will.

- Sarah Holmes

Stories of YES #32

These special moments mean so much to me. Why? Because I could have easily missed them. When I felt a pressing on my heart to adopt again and to welcome a 5th child (3rd adoption) into our family I was so fearful. I felt overwhelmed. I felt unqualified. I felt a lack of resources. I felt tired. BUT God. He did not give up on me. Was I still afraid? YES! But we offered our yes and saw a miraculous plan unfold before our eyes.

This child is the sweetest gift! I could never imagine a better fit for our family. Our little caboose. The one that gives us kisses, snuggles and sings Mickey Mouse Clubhouse every day. He is a joy and delight. I see him thriving and growing. He blooms before our eyes. All children need to know the love of a family. We for SURE have some hard days and hard things we walk through... but we walk through them together.

If you feel a nudge to welcome a child into your home through foster care or adoption please reach out to me. I can answer your questions or connect you with someone who can. Don’t let fear hold you back another day. Ask questions and explore what things might look like if you said YES.

- Rainer Lowman

Stories of YES #31 - Trust

"You're the first person I trusted." Brooklyn spoke these words to me earlier this week as she wrapped her arms around me for a tight hug. She laid her head against me as the power of God's amazing grace and love filled me.
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I have done nothing to deserve the blessing and opportunity to raise her. God's redeeming miracles carried her almost 8,000 miles to be mine, but most importantly, His.
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On Thanksgiving Day, we each spoke words of thankfulness and prayer. We all shared thoughts and what we were most thankful for at this time. I enjoyed hearing what every family member spoke, but my children and grandson bring an extra blessing to my ears and heart.
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Brooklyn was quieter than normal and asked to be given more time to think of what she wanted to articulate. Although she has been with us for four years now, and she has learned a lot of vocabulary, sometimes it is still difficult to find the correct words to convey thoughts and emotion.
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As we went around the table, I was blessed to hear the thoughts of my special loved ones. When we came back to Brooklyn, she simply stated, "I am thankful to not live there anymore." I already knew everything that was on her heart. She didn't need to say more. She tells me every day how much she loves us, her family. She shows us everyday in her words and actions. Every day she tells me how much she loves that I am her mommy.
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Adoption has done more than touch our life. Adoption has reshaped our life. I pray that through our family and others you know, you have seen God at work. Adoption even changed our son as He recognized God's hand. Adoption showed me that although there would not be a need for it in a perfect world, God blesses in many ways through the act of adoption. His own son was sent into the world and raised through adoption. God's family is built through adoption.
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I know we must recognize and respect the history and background of an adopted child, but we must also live in the present and future by raising them through Him, and allowing them to find their true worth and story through Him. He knows them intimately. He loves our child and has placed them with us for a purpose.
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On this last day of November and Adoption Awareness Month, I pray that if your heart has ever been stirred to find out more about adoption, that you will feel free to ask me questions. Most of all, I ask you to open your heart through prayer, to what God might be calling you to do, whether it is adopting or assisting someone else in the process through prayer, assistance financially or in running errands, caring for their children during respite, or in whatever way you can help.
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In Brooklyn fashion, let me say, "You are the first people I have trusted with the stories of my precious girls." I pray you have seen God at work. We're a simple family in love with a BIG God who has blessed us beyond measure simply because He is good. He took what little we had to offer and multiplied it beyond our dreams."

- Terri Hitt

Stories of YES #30 - The Shift of "What if"

"The doubts are real. And I think we had every one of them...
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*What if it’s too much?
*What if her needs are more than we can handle?
*What if we can’t afford it?
*What if it negatively affects the children we already have?
*What if we don’t have time for one more child?
*What if she doesn’t attach to us?
*What if she needs to live with us forever?
*What if we never have time for us?
*What if it’s too hard?
*Are we equipped for this??
*Can we do this??
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But then one day my husband said to me, “But what if we don’t listen to God’s call?” At that moment, the questions didn’t go away, but they changed...
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*What if this little girl never gets to know what it means to be a part of a family?
*What if she never has someone to tuck her in at night, to hold her and to tell her about Jesus?
*What if she never gets to hear someone tell her she is beautiful, wonderfully made and so very loved?
*What if our children never get to experience the joy of having a sister with Down Syndrome?
*What if we miss out on the chance to take a leap of faith and let God change us?
*What if we trust the God that told us to do this, to carry us through?
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After having Annie in our arms for a year, sometimes one question still lingers in my mind - what if we hadn’t said yes? And I look at this little girl - my daughter - and I cannot even IMAGINE our world without her now."

- Joy Pollock

Stories of YES #29 - Amazing Grace

"I have always loved people with special needs. As I was growing up (and even to this day) when I see a group of people with special needs at stores, amusement parks etc, I just smile. They seem so lovable. I would wonder if they were being treated nicely, and I would always try to find a way that I could interact with them. Usually, it was just a smile and a hello.
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When we decided to say yes to our daughter Grace, our world changed a bit. She was 3 1/2 and suffered from neglect and cerebral palsy. The neglect was far worse than the CP. She would cry at anything that was different - car rides were even frightening for her. Grace's favorite thing to do was hide under the table and knock on the wall. She couldn’t walk, talk, use a toilet, suck a bottle, drink from a cup or chew food. She would not play with toys - she just threw them across the room. She would not watch TV, she would not look you in the eye and she would not laugh unless you tickled her, made a loud knock on the wall, or slammed shut a door or cupboard.
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But that was six years ago.
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Grace is called "Amazing Grace” for so many reasons. Her progress seemed slow (I’m told by therapists it was fast). Every session she could do just a tiny bit more than she did the week before. She had Occupational Therapy, Physical Therapy, Speech and Feeding Therapy, where she learned to chew food. At first everything was pureed, then soft mechanical and now, she can chew almost all foods. After eating mush the first three years of her life, she now enjoys good food!
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Grace is still non-verbal but uses a mechanical device that helps her communicate her needs. She knows 5 or 6 sign language signs. Our daughter loves school and thrives on routines. She is solving addition facts to 10, knows her letters, and she can answer comprehension questions from text with her communication device. She loves to play teacher by doing calendar every morning, and she knows how to work the technology devices in her classroom!
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Nine months ago, Grace learned to walk, and it has helped open up a new world to her. She wants to run so badly, so she often gets ahead of herself and stumbles - but she tries so hard. She is beginning to interact with her siblings and classmates, and now makes eye contact about 75% of the time. She plays with some toys and occasionally can be seen watching the TV. She giggles a lot now (sometimes when she’s being naughty). Grace loves her family and her teachers, and she will blow kisses and wave her hand when prompted.
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My other children (my biological and my two adopted children who have Down syndrome) have learned compassion and patience through their sister. They always think to include Grace, which usually means finding a way that they can adapt the situation so she can play along They are very patient when she ”messes up" their stuff or takes a long time to complete a task. When my son was in first grade he wrote in his journal that he wanted to invent a machine that helped people learn to talk like his sister Grace.
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Grace is now nine years old and she continues to learn and grow in ways we never dreamed of. I cannot imagine what our life would have been like without her, and I can’t imagine what her life would look like today if she was never adopted. We have all been so blessed by her life. She matters to us, and our Amazing Grace matters to God."

- Candy Thomas Woertman

 
(this family is currently fundraising to bring another child home. If you feel led to help, here is the link to their fundraising page: https://reecesrainbow.org/130336/sponsorwoertman-3)

Stories of YES #28 - View from a Courtroom

"It was well over a year ago when I met them at Duffy's restaurant to first talk about adoption over appetizers. As the conversation began to blossom in those hours, I witnessed the opening of hearts, and I felt like I could tangibly see the Lord working already through them - the sparkle in their eyes read "hope," and I could see the willingness of their spirits to dive into the unknowns and discover all that God had in store for them. We went our separate ways, and it was only months later that they were matched with their precious boy.
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Today I had the privilege of gathering with them in a court room where they - tearfully - made it official to dedicate their lives and make him their own son forever - to give God their shout-it-out-loud YES to the precious gift they’ve been given. I witnessed firsthand the unconditional love of this boy's village made up of family, close friends, and members of their faith community. Today, his forever begins.
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During National Adoption Month, we never want to gloss over the realities that first had to happen in order for adoption to be, but we must always glorify God for the good that's been done.Today we celebrate the truth that this little boy is so very loved, and he is - now and forever - a treasured son.
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Happy Forever family day, sweet boy. I am so thankful your parents didn't miss this. I know they will never be the same."

 - Lisa Murphy

Stories of YES #27 - WE are the lucky ones

"I still remember the anguish I felt when I learned Lou and I couldn’t conceive. I was that kid who always played at home, stuffing a pillow under her shirt and pretending to be pregnant. I couldn’t wait to be a mom! I had the best mom in the world and I’m convinced she was the reason why I wanted so badly to become a mom... so I could be just like her.

Much as I sometimes still wonder what a “mini-me” of Lou and Laura might have been and looked like, I can wholeheartedly say that if I had to do it all over, I’d choose adoption again as a way of growing our family. The immense joy our girls have brought us can’t be described with words. We’d be so lost without them. They are the light of our lives and really, they — Emily Xin Nian from Nanchang, China and Giulia Tu Tu from Changsha, China — are undeniably little Italian/Argentine pasta, eggplant and prosciutto loving, mini versions of Lou and I - just with Asian features!

In light of National Adoption Month, I just want to say what a proud mommy I am and how grateful I am to God for my girls every day. I know adoption isn’t for everyone (I’ve, sadly, had people say to me “if it’s not my child/blood, I don’t want him/her”), but - honestly - they have no clue how much they’re missing out on. People have said, “Your girls are so lucky to have you” but WE are the ones who have been immeasurably blessed with these kiddos who were destined to be ours. Yes, WE are the lucky ones, and I am forever thankful that my girls have allowed me to be their mommy." 

- Laura Zapatero Assante

Stories of YES #26 - Define "Real"

This wondrous and true perspective was written by a big sister in response to an incident at a party where some girls played a game they call family and there were “real” kids and “adopted” kids. Her little sister was upset and fortunately her best friend saw this and ordered the game to end. The family was not angry about the incident, just sad as they know it won’t be the first or last time these things happen in her life. Enter her big sister, who heard what happened and came home from college to have a “sister day” with her eight-year-old sibling. Later, she wrote this thoughtful post:

"The definition of the word "real" is straightforward. It is not a word that is commonly misused. This being said, there are certain contexts where the word holds power. Power to hurt. Power to confuse. Power to make one overthink. The situation I am referring to is adoption.
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I hear this term used all the time when referring to biological versus adopted children. “Are they your real child?” The question a person is intending to ask is “Are they your biological child?” This does not anger me. I understand that not everyone in the world has had a reason to ponder this word in depth like I have. Hearing this word used in this way simply drives me to educate.
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Children who are adopted are real children for many reasons. First, in the most obvious sense, they have a heart that beats and lungs that breathe, they are real humans. The second concept is where I hear the most people struggle. Children who are adopted are real members of the family. To quote the definition above, I will say that my sister, who is adopted, is not my ‘imagined or supposed’ sister. I think very few people can argue that fact. She is the realest, coolest, smartest, funniest sister out there.
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Being aware of how amazing my sister is makes it hard to see her upset. As an eight year old child, hearing the word "real" used in the way described above upsets her. She doesn’t get angry and yell, but the gears in her head start turning and going into overdrive. She ponders phrases like these with her whole heart. At eight years old she thinks about the validity of her family. I know that she knows she is our family, but the fact that others might be confused about that has an effect on her that is heartbreaking to me as her sister.
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Take time and choose your words carefully. Think about how they might be perceived. Parents, take five minutes out of your day to explain this to your child, your partner, your friends, your parents, the cashier at the grocery store. I would appreciate it and many others would as well."

- Morgan Bennett

Repost - Orphan Care Warfare

It's not easy to look the orphan crisis in the eyes. The truth is, it’s quite devastating if you really take time to digest the magnitude of this problem. Sometimes the most heartbreaking thing about fighting for special needs and orphaned children around the world is the nonchalance, lack of compassion and complete indifference to human life, simply because that life began in another country, in another culture, in another part of the globe.

As Christians, it shouldn’t just be our option to care about the vulnerable and the marginalized; it should be our very privilege and battle cry no matter where they are.  In fact, it’s our calling and commandment. 

Because in the end, we are not just Americans or Westerners or members of any one class or group. In the end, we are ALL just one of HIS. But slowly in this country, we’ve stopped running to ALL of His. We’ve become desensitized, and our senses of urgency have become tragically dulled to the ones who need us most. 

You may not know that international adoptions in the United States have decreased more than 80% since 2004, and many adoption advocates estimate that, at this rate, they may become completely extinct by 2022. Here in this space, we stand 200% behind the rights of children to grow up not as orphans but in families; not in institutions, but in homes. 

Research shows the long-term scars that institutional care and lack of early attachment leave on a child for the rest of his life. And although we believe that a loving family in a child’s birth country is the most beneficial so a child can easily maintain his culture and heritage, we know that it is not always possible. When an adoptive family is not viable or available in his or her home country, his human right to grow up in a family where he can enjoy attachment, protection and provision should not be relinquished. No child is better served by living in his home country as a forever orphan in an institution than by growing up in a different culture as a beloved son or daughter.

It's easy to sit back and wonder how one can even make a dent in this overwhelming problem. But the truth is, we cannot afford to sit back. We cannot afford to be silent. We cannot afford to do nothing. Because in many cases - and for many sick, needy and special needs superheroes - it could literally mean death.

Two passionate mamas, Michelle at Of Capes and Combat Boots and Lisa at Open Hearts for Orphans have created a special toolkit to inspire and guide you in the battle, because we absolutely must engage in the war to save international adoption. We know that - ultimately - adoption of EVERY kind has the ability to heal, transform and even save children’s lives. And if we don’t speak for the voiceless and the vulnerable, who will?

"Orphan Care Warfare" is a simple, prayerful, five-step guide to advocacy. As we take inventory of our everyday personal blessings, let us remember, and pray for, the forgotten ones — our little brothers and sisters in Christ scattered throughout the world. The Lord calls us to care for them.

Let’s put on the armor of God!

A Special Month

 

Though we believe every month is adoption awareness month at Open Hearts for Orphans, November is the month that is designated as National Adoption Awareness Month and we're thankful to celebrate adoption each year. We'd like to kick the month off by highlighting a few ways that you can choose to make this month extra-special: 

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Spread the love.

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This month we’ll continue sharing our #storiesofyes, our advocacy posts, and anything adoption related that comes our way.  If you’re on Facebook, and/or Instagram, we would love for you to join us and help us spread awareness, too! Adoption is a very important piece of what we support, so are grateful for any light given to our ministry, whether it's tagging us on social media or sharing a post here and there, we'll be thankful! 

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Be a champion. 

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National Adoption Month is a perfect time to recognize families involved with adoption! Whether you choose to donate for a family's adoption fund, help a newly-home family in some way, or send a note/sign of encouragement to someone who's currently in the process, it would be a real blessing to them!

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Donate to help more families adopt. 

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One of the largest barriers to adoption is the funding, and the costs associated with the process are  overwhelming, to say the least. We believe that all children belong in families and we're guessing you do too, or you probably wouldn't follow our mission! 

Our "Say Yes" grant program gives a gift to families to break down that barrier. Please consider giving a gift that will make a tremendous impact for families who are stepping out in faith. No amount is too small!

Share your story! 

Lastly, if you are an adoptive family, we encourage you to please share your story with us via email, so we can inspire others through our #storiesofyes series of adoption.

Thank you for honoring adoption for this gift that it is - this month...and EVERY month!

Stories of YES #25 - A Letter from One Dad to Another

"I am 57 years old, and a Dad of two precious girls from China with Down syndrome. Prior to their adoption, we had four adopted children and one biological child who is now grown and on her own. My wife Lora felt called to adopt a child with Down syndrome and cautiously asked me to consider the idea as well, and I have to admit - that was a tough decision. As I went through the internal process of making a good decision, what was most helpful to me was reading other family’s stories; seeing what others struggled with, focused on, how did they resolve conflict and adversity? And in those stories - usually written by the Moms - I focused mostly on the Dads. How do they do it? Why did they do it? Are they miserable? How is it that these old guys in the pictures seem to be genuinely happy surrounded by such large groups of children? I pondered these sorts of questions a lot, and these people became mentors to me, One of the things about parenting at an older age is that it is the product of all the years of experience that led me here.

Before we had our first child as a newly married couple 28 years ago, I thought only of me. I wanted smart, fun, successful, good looking children that I could be proud of. Like a successful career, children would either reflect my success or failure in life. So I prayed to God that he would not give me a child with a handicap. Specifically I prayed, “Please God, do not let my child have Down syndrome.” God answered my prayer by giving me a wonderful and healthy little girl - a miracle baby of sorts, since my wife almost miscarried. And God decided that, after Katie, I would never have another biological child again. Since I wanted only "perfect "children, then I would spend the rest of my life rectifying that stupidity away. And looking back now at age 57, I can see that really it has come to this: God is healing me through my children.

God wants me to know that I am far from perfect. The greatest gift He can give me is “imperfect” children - just like me, who will force me to abandon the idea that I am in control; that I want to be in control; that this life is about comfort, success, fame and fortune. Instead, God’s will turns me to Him; to rely every day, every hour and minute on Him. He wants me to know I am utterly dependent. I have unseen inner handicaps God wishes me to see, and He exposes them to me, like a good doctor, so I will be willing to receive necessary treatment and healing. He does this through children - imperfect, messy, needy children.

So now, I understand the smiling dads in the pictures a little better perhaps. They are smiling because they may have found an inner peace that comes from doing what dads were intended to do: Build, protect, guide, honor those entrusted to us from God Almighty. Not for our sake, but for the love of God. I see God in these Dads and their large families, and I see God as he chips away at my deformities. The “point of it all” in this life is slowly revealed in the sweet, trusting face of these little gifts of life God entrusted to me; of all people, He entrusted them to me!

My wife and I completed three more adoption processes before she approached me about adopting once again, and she was then called to adopt a child with Down syndrome. As difficult as that idea was for me to process, I realized that all the years and struggles and decisions over our married and parenting life had come to this: I needed to confront that horrible prayer that I once prayed to God, “Please God, don’t give me a child with Down syndrome.” God blessed me with this wife to bring the lesson to pass, and I could hear Him whisper, "Deal with it Brian. Do it correctly now. You are older and wiser, don’t repeat the mistake again - for the sake of your soul, do not."

From the World’s playbook, this makes no sense to be in my mid-fifties and adopting at this age. But I know where these kids are from, and it's no longer some "hazy theoretical problem," but actual faces and names and voices and emotional fears and desires. I know them now, through the sampling of children I’ve met through my wife’s advocacy work and through families who've adopted them. They were not smiling before...they were hopeless. They were in orphanages, perhaps tied down to their beds, facing a future on the street if no one chose them. But, then, someone said “yes” and chose them. How cool must that feel to a child with little or no hope? “I was chosen!” Now they are children with hope and a future, living in families that love them and enjoying the wealth and plenty God graced their parents with. They receive love, but they also give it back.

So, to all the dads out there considering, “Should I? How can I? It makes no sense!” My advice is this: focus on the kids. This is the chance you have to do something that will last long after you are gone from this world. Only this matters - raising children. Special needs? These children were given those needs by God, and He wants them loved too, and loved just the way He made them “disabilities and all.” He did not make a mistake in their creation. Perhaps their needs are there for you to be made better by them, and they certainly do not stand in the way of God’s love. Then who are we to love them any less?

I will say this about Down syndrome...I was completely wrong all those years ago - as wrong as can be. Children with Down syndrome are an incredible gift to me; to my family; to the world. They are about the sweetest, coolest children you can imagine, and they are little lights in the world. Yes, they require extra assistance, and depending on the severity, they may need more or less assistance. But once you give yourself over to parenting, that in itself is part of the reward. And I would encourage all you dads out there to be open to expanding the circle of smiling faces in your own little family. .

There is nothing finer in life than to be responsible for raising, protecting, and gifting to the world children of God. Just as they are; just as He made them."

- Brian Offer

Stories of YES #24 - But God

 

"Our journey to adoption began very early in our marriage when we lived in Germany. Seeing so many orphaned children due to war in Eastern Europe broke us. When you see their faces all over the news - faces of desperation… those of hopelessness…it changes something deep inside you. For us, we lived with those faces in our hearts and minds for years raising up our two biological children. Surely - we thought - those ideas of adoption were not for us, because we never thought we could afford to do so. BUT GOD…that’s become our motto.

He began to remind us of those seeds and whispers from years back. He would not let us forget and we began to pray earnestly. Surely he wasn’t calling us to adopt now. After we’ve almost raised our two children…to start over? Yes! That’s exactly what our Father was calling us to do. And...we did!

In 2010, we brought home our first daughter from China. That trip to China wrecked us and our two older children, Kailey and Brady. We knew we would be going back. As David Platt says, “We learned that orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.” We all four still echo those words today. And go back, we did.

With each adoption, the Lord stretched us until we finally told our social worker “this journey is from the Lord, we are open to any and all special needs.” One of those needs being Down syndrome. Before, Down syndrome was always a “no.” We just couldn’t take on “that" special need. BUT GOD…

He turned our world upside down when Greg and I were across the world from each other. Greg was in Kuwait with work and I was at home. We both saw a page of waiting children. Literally, at least fifty children were on that page, and one little face tugged on both of our hearts. Only God can do that. That little face was a precious little girl who just happened to have Down syndrome. Was God calling us to adopt a child with Down syndrome? We prayed through and knew for certain she was our daughter, and the Lord was absolutely calling us to her! Havah is the most incredible little girl, and became such a bright light in our family. She has changed us in ways we never thought possible. I had heard so many families who have children with Down syndrome speak of being “the lucky few” and now I get it. We were one of those “lucky few” for sure.

Two years after bringing Havah home, the Lord put a precious little boy in our lives who also just happened to have Down syndrome. He came to us through respite, but we now call him our son. God literally put another Down syndrome treasure right in our laps! The Lord took our “no” and turned it upside down into a resounding “yes!” Adding Havah and Simon to our lives has been the greatest blessing. They are gems fearfully and wonderfully made by their Creator. To think we could have missed this puts me on my face daily. We could never have imagined that 29 years ago we would now be 50 and 53 raising younger children with Down syndrome. BUT GOD…

He gives the best gifts. His plans for us far exceed anything we could plan for ourselves, as Proverbs 16:9 reminds us: “The mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.” Praise Him for directing our steps and turning our no into yes for six children. We are asked often if we are done adopting, and our answer is always: “This is God’s call on our lives, and we are open and willing if He has more.” Let us live the rest of our days saying yes. Who knows what gifts He has ready to give if we just listen and allow Him to lead. Living for eternity is far greater than what this tiny space in history holds. And we choose to live in light of eternity."

- Kim Hensley Franks

Stories of YES #23 - The Bouchard family

"The past seven years, we've added a child to our family every year. We didn't plan that - we simply said yes. Yes, to the orphan, yes to God's love, again and again, yes.
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That's a house full of healing hearts, and trauma, and tears. We see children who were once broken opening up their hearts to help new little ones heal. It's beautiful and hard all at once. It's our life and some days it's so routine, and some days I stop and really look at how different it is. Some days it's heart breaking when you realize why you have the routines you do - because of the abuse some have endured that young children should never have to. Changing diapers or giving baths shouldn't be traumatic, had someone not hurt them. It's a bittersweet, yet beautiful picture of redemption that we get to live on a daily basis.
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Some days we soar and rejoice in each small step of healing, and some days, I'm exhausted and cry out to God that I can't. And He tells me that's right - I can't. Only with His strength, only because He loved and rescued me, can I love even when it's hard. We love because He first loved us.
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People ask if we are done adopting. All I know is I hope to never be done saying Yes, to whomever God asks me to love."

 - Chante Morrow

Stories of YES #22 - an SB warrior

 

October is Spina Bifida Awareness Month and SB is said to be the most common permanently disabling birth defect in the United States. Sharing this beautiful story of triumph today: "Our story of yes started with a book — Knowing God by J.I. Packer. I was reading the book for an online book/Bible study. It was a meaty book, and I struggled to get through many parts of it.

But then I read these words: “Nor is it the spirit of those Christians – alas, they are many – whose ambition in life seems limited to building a nice middle-class Christian home, and making nice middle-class Christian friends, and bringing up their children in nice middle-class Christian ways, and who leave the sub-middle-class sections of the community, Christian and non-Christian, to get on by themselves. The Christmas spirit does not shine out in the Christian snob. For the Christmas spirit is the spirit of those who, like their Master, live their whole lives on the principle of making themselves poor – spending and being spent – to enrich their fellow men, giving time, trouble, care and concern to do good to others – and not just their own friends – in whatever way there seems need."

Wow. That hit me right in the middle of the eyes. We had already adopted twice. We had the “all-American” family. But I knew then and there that God wasn’t finished with our adoption journey quite yet. I soon started exploring waiting child lists, and one day I saw her. Her picture literally took my breath away, and I knew she was ours without knowing anything about her. Turns out she was born with spina bifida, and she had an "unclear” MRI. My husband was not as enthusiastic about pursuing her as I was. But the Lord kept taking me back to those words of Packer’s which echoed one of my favorite Bible verses of all time: Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world (James 1:27).

We sent her file to a doctor to review, and what she had to say wasn’t as scary as we had feared. We also talked with a family who had had her file reviewed by another doctor but decided not to pursue her. There were still many unknowns, but we decided to jump in and add this 7-year-old sweetheart to our family. We are SO GLAD that we did!

Fast forward 4 years, and here’s where we stand health-wise with our amazing daughter: her SB lesion was very high up her spine…almost to her skull. As a result of this, she has hydrocephalus and chiari malformation. Her hydro was untreated in China. Once home, her neurosurgeon first kept an eye on it, as it seemed to be very slow developing. Then we noticed issues with her eyes, which is a common symptom of hydrocephalus, and one eye had started to wander. It was determined that her hydro was starting to put pressure on the optic center of her brain which in turn was causing her eye to wander. So at age 10, our girl received a VP shunt. The surgery was easy and her recovery was fast, but - unfortunately - her eye did not correct itself, so she required a further surgery to correct her eye muscles.

Our daughter is currently doing very well on both fronts, praise the Lord. She suffers some balance issues as well as weakness, mostly on one side of her body. She receives PT through our school district. She struggles in some areas at school, but it’s honestly not clear yet if that is SB-related, or due to the fact that she started school at age 8 and is still playing catch-up. Our daughter is extremely high functioning: she has played basketball and she loves the trampoline and jumping rope. She loves to draw and she loves animals. And she is the most caring individual I have ever met."

- Amy Peterson Miller

Stories of YES #21 - Miles

We've watched nothing short of a miracle in this sweet boy's life as he's come into the loving care of his family just ten months ago. We've literally watched everything about him transform in the greatest of ways, and we were honored to share his family's message on World Cerebral Palsy Day.

"Miles wants to wish you a happy World Cerebral Palsy Day! This is the face of joy, hope, and worth. Worthy and loved by God and by his family and by each of you,

He survived 16 years laying in a bed with very little food, human touch, or interaction in general. Why? Many reasons, including lack of education, money, resources, and a cultural belief that “sick kids” are best off left alone and secluded.

Adoption matters. Orphans belong in families. God places the lonely in families and calls each one by name." 

- Jackie Askvig

Follow Myles' miracles on Instagram 
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Stories of YES #20 - Faith + Joy = Sister Love

"I plan to use Down Syndrome awareness month to tell you more about my girls- not necessarily Down syndrome because they are so much more than a chromosome count! I want you to see our life is just as normal as your life!

Edie Joy loves the color pink, high heels, princess dresses, makeup, and just being a fancy girly girl! She is obsessed with anything I am doing, and she is my Velcro baby! She is what we call "sweet & spicy."

Ollie Faith is more into bubbles, sidewalk chalk, the trampoline, golf cart rides, and her favorite shows on the iPad. She tells her Daddy how much she misses him and she loves him every day - but she ignores me.🤣 She LOVES to socialize with everyone who will talk to her. If you engage in conversation, prepare to get a starfish hug, even though we are trying to teach her it’s more appropriate to shake hands with someone you don’t know well!

These girls are 100% opposite personalities - they fight, they slap, they hug...and then they make up. They are true sisters, and they are best friends."

{You can read more about the Reid's adoption journey of their Edie Joy in Chapter Three of the beautiful new book "extraordinary," available on pre-order now at www.extraordinaryadoption.com}

Stories of Yes #19 - Beautiful Ben

 

 

"His eyes disappear when he laughs and smiles, and it is my favorite. His dark fine hair shimmers in the light and he gets the prettiest most even tan in the summer.

 

I never imagined having a Chinese son; it wasn't in my childhood picture of my future family. For the most part, families "matched" growing up in the 1980's. Even as my own extended family grew in diversity by marriage and adoption, and I began to imagine adopting one day, I still only pictured black/brown and white children in my future family. China was never on my radar. 

 

Thankfully, God has plans we never imagine for ourselves - plans that bless us beyond measure. Our heart has expanded not only for our son and people with Down syndrome, but also for the people of China. I feel tied into their past, present and future. The Church of China is heavy on my heart, and I pray for it's people often. I have been learning that when you love someone so fiercely, their people become your people; their joys become your joys; their pain becomes your pain; their victories become your victories; their struggles become your struggles. You can't understand all of their story, but you can empathize and sit with them in it. 

 

Diversity is a buzz word these days, whether it's diversity in race, gender, ethnicity, disability, economics, religion or education, we are all supposed to want more of it. But just being around people who are different than you won't necessarily change things - you have to invest into relationships. Enter into their life, and they into yours. This is how empathy grows and understanding forms. This is how our hearts change, how prejudice is slowly erased, and the beauty of the human race is fully realized."

- Rachel Baxter 

 

In honor of National Down Syndrome Awareness Month, please take time to view this priceless video, The Archibald Project, about Ben's homecoming to his family. 

 

Follow Rachel on Instagram and on her website.

Stories of YES #18 - A Dad's Perspective

"When my wife Stacy came to me saying she felt God speak to her about adopting a child with Down syndrome, I thought there was absolutely no way. Based on everything I'd always heard, I just didn’t think we could manage this particular special need with our busy lives. We are an older couple with three (adult) biological kids and had already adopted four children from China, all under the age of ten. It felt like we already had our hands quite full.

Hints of Down syndrome kept randomly showing up in our lives though, despite my attempts to pretend I didn’t notice. This went on for about a year, and then one day Stacy saw the face of the little girl she felt God had been calling her to. She showed me the picture of this fragile little one, and I remember commenting that she was already five years old and really needed someone to say "yes" to her.

The biggest question I had was - "Is it supposed to be US?"

We didn’t really even discuss it. It was one of those known, yet “silent” conversations we could have without actually having it. I knew what it meant when she first came to me with a picture. (It meant start packing your bags buddy!) She knew that my silence didn’t mean NO, it just meant that I heard what she was saying - but had serious reservations.

If I’m being completely honest, I was not on board yet, and inside I was hoping that our lack of conversation about it over the next few days meant the topic wasn’t as serious as I had thought. That being said, I began to google everything I could think of regarding Down syndrome though, "just in case." Turns out that few days of silence meant that Stacy had been very busy and had literally finished ALL of the paperwork necessary for another home study in a matter of days. She only needed a few signatures from me along with my physical and biometrics appointments which happened to be scheduled for the coming week. Yes, Stacy's kind of a pro at this paperwork thing now, and she was prepared for me to say "yes" just in case. That’s how sure her YES was that this was our daughter!

Fast forward just seven months later, and we were on a plane headed to China to adopt this little girl whose special need was pushing me FAR beyond my comfort zone. As we boarded the plane I said, “Just so you know, I’m still not sure about this.” Stacy just smiled, shrugged her shoulders, and said “Okay.” She is obviously much better at being obedient than I am, but I’m learning! I remember thinking... IS THAT IT?!? Just a shrug and an "Okay"?! Nothing else was said - just another silent conversation, but this time with God. It was a conversation where she was saying, “God, please prepare Josie for us and guide, guard, and protect us along this journey” while I was saying “Lord, help me! I’m going to need your guidance here because I’m not sure about this!”

A couple days later, the tiniest five-year-old I have ever seen was placed in my arms, and I sat there wondering, "how could I possibly be afraid when this tiny little girl was being so brave?" She looked up at me with the biggest, emptiest eyes and she never shed a tear. Then, a little hand that resembled that of a baby doll, reached out and graciously offered me a bite of her snack.

Three days later, we were in the hotel room watching Josie play in a mirror and I looked at Stacy and said, “I don’t think she has Down syndrome because she doesn’t look like it to me and even her behavior is nothing like I ever imagined it would be.” My wife smiled and said “That’s because now you see your daughter, and not "a child with Down syndrome." Now you see her with your heart and not with your eyes. Your heart sees your precious daughter, Josie.”

She was right...again.

After we'd been home a few weeks, I was watching Josie and thinking about how terrified I was to say "yes" to bring her home. When I look at her now, it’s like - what in the world was I ever afraid of?! She is the most precious little girl, and she is so amazing. She’s not scary at all. In fact, she has been our easiest adoption out of the five! She is beautiful, sweet, smart, and very loving. I can’t imagine anyone ever looking at her (or her picture) and seeing fear like I did at first. She is fully capable of anything she sets her mind to. She has added a new level of joy to our family, and I feel so blessed to be her daddy! There’s a great big world of opportunity waiting for her someday, and I cannot wait to give it to her."

- Jackie Dye

Follow our inspirational "Stories of Yes" series on Facebook and Instagram or through our website. If you would like to contribute a "Story of YES" we can share with our followers, please send us an email at openheartsfororphansorg@gmail.com

Stories of YES #17

 

There's a story of yes right here in this tattered and torn pillow sham - the bedding set a gift from a dear friend when we were waiting to bring our beloved son Daniel home. This pillow sham served its purpose in our blessed "yes" to that boy and was comfortably nestled on his bed for the few months Daniel was home with us.

When our son went to Heaven four months after we'd welcomed him into our family, that pillow sham sat unused for almost a full year, locked away in a room full of sadness, until it became a part of a new chapter of "YES" in the adoption process of another little baby boy - our son Charlie. Well, that baby boy discovered a love for his big brother's pillow sham that we hadn't expected and claimed it as his favorite pillowcase.

For the next eight years, Charlie slept on it each night and loved it so hard that it's now threadbare, practically disintegrating in parts. Whenever I've talked of a replacement, he wouldn't hear of calling it quits with something he's grown so attached to all these years.

For our son's 10th birthday last week, I felt a tugging that it was time, but I knew finding a replacement would be nearly impossible since this set was likely discontinued many years ago. And in my quest, I was drawn to how much beautiful symbolism is sewn right into that piece of fabric that's been here in our home all these years...a ladybug - the universal "sign" for adoptive parents, and an airplane - the giant bird that took us across the globe on a destination of love to be united with our children.

Something told me to type "ladybug" into my Ebay search after I came up empty for twenty minutes or so, and it seemed a small miracle when the exact pillowcase we needed met my eyes on the computer screen. Though I knew our son wouldn't joyfully part with his old one, I didn't hesitate to hit "buy."

I'll preserve Charlie's special "red thread" connection with his big brother - whom he never physically met on earth, and we'll tuck it away for him to treasure someday down the road. And that ragged and well-loved pillow sham will always serve as a reminder of not one - but two precious stories of yes in our family. 

- Lisa Murphy

Stories of YES #15 - Joseph

"Our story of ‘Yes’ is one that changed our hearts and lives forever. It’s a story of love, hope, heartbreak, and faith deeper than we ever thought possible...

“Terminal"
"Dying"
"Aging out”

These were a few of the terms used to describe his dire situation - "Montgomery" needed a family, and he needed it fast. JOSEPH. We knew this boy was our son, and there was no holding us back now.We scrambled. We fought. And we begged God to keep Joseph alive until we could get to him.

After waiting thirteen long years for a family to SEE him, Joseph’s lifelong dream of having a family was finally coming true. We prayed that his very broken heart would hold on during the wait; We prayed for Joseph to be given more time so we could bring him home..

During those crazy three months of fighting to expedite his adoption, Joseph was admitted to the ICU in China and almost lost his life. I remember vividly how our agency suggested we put the adoption ‘on hold’ as it didn’t look like Joseph was going to survive. Call us stubborn, but we didn’t listen. We knew Joseph was going to make it, and we weren’t about to give up on him now.

We prayed more. You prayed alongside us. And - by the grace of God - Joseph became our beloved son on June 5th, 2017 - three short months after we'd returned from China with our daughter Annie. I sat in front of my phone, crying my eyes out as my husband, Justin, and my son, Brian, met Joseph for the first time. I can still feel the goosebumps I felt when his loving Baba (Daddy) took him in his arms for the very first time, reassuring him that Mommy was at home anxiously waiting for him. Our teeny-tiny thirteen-year-old son was - finally - an orphan no more.

Over the next fifteen months, Joseph lived out loud! He laughed, he sang, and he danced. He hugged, he dreamed, and he loved...always with a smile. He overcame countless IVs, blood draws, seizures, strokes, and surgeries. We almost lost him multiple times, but he kept holding on, because his will to live was stronger than his extremely broken body.

Joseph ultimately lost his lifelong battle with Congenital Heart Disease (CHD), but not until he had completed all items on his bucket list - having a family topped his list. When God finally called him home, he didn’t die alone - but as a beloved, treasured son, tightly wrapped in the arms of his Momma. Joseph was prayed for, chosen, cherished...and loved more than anything.

He was - and will always be - our son, and our HERO."

- Maike Doty

Stories of YES #14 - Held

This post was written same time last year, and it still holds true at our five-year anniversary together with our son.

"HELD - we'd only known each other for half of an hour, maybe more, but he'd been held in my heart so much longer. For half of a year, I'd longed to hold him and feel his skin. We'd traveled far to get to him, and he'd traveled far to get to us, and those first moments seem so far gone, yet only four short years ago, I held a physically drained, emotionally spent, and completely passed out little boy in my arms. He was now our beloved son. Thankfully, we were not unfamiliar with a child's ability to "shut down" as a coping mechanism to sheer exhaustion and mental overload. Oh yes, they see photos of their family coming, and that's a beautiful thing, but think about it for a minute - meeting your new parents (and siblings) who speak another language while preparing to say goodbye to EVERYTHING they've EVER known and not knowing what their future holds? That thought alone makes you bone tired, does it not?

We've always asked you to pray for adoptive families, but on this special day when we reflect on holding our son for the first time, will you remember to pray for the children? For their tender hearts and brave souls as they step into unfamiliar territory? Though it may be the best blessing of their lives, they don't yet know that, for they are the ones giving up everything sight unseen to gain a family. They deserve our fervent prayers as they are held. Happy Held Day, JoJo...always and forever.  Love, Mommy" 

- Lisa Murphy

Orphan Care WARFARE

It's not easy to look the orphan crisis in the eyes. The truth is, it’s quite devastating if you really take time to digest the magnitude of this problem. Sometimes the most heartbreaking thing about fighting for special needs and orphaned children around the world is the nonchalance, lack of compassion and complete indifference to human life, simply because that life began in another country, in another culture, in another part of the globe.

As Christians, it shouldn’t just be our option to care about the vulnerable and the marginalized; it should be our very privilege and battle cry no matter where they are.  In fact, it’s our calling and commandment.

James 1:27: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

Psalm 82:3: “Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed.”

Proverbs 31:8-9: “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.”

Because in the end, we are not just Americans or Westerners or members of any one class or group. In the end, we are ALL just one of HIS. But slowly in this country, we’ve stopped running to ALL of His. We’ve become desensitized, and our senses of urgency have become tragically dulled to the ones who need us most. 

You may not know that international adoptions in the United States have decreased more than 80% since 2004, and many adoption advocates estimate that, at this rate, they may become completely extinct by 2022. Here in this space, we stand 200% behind the rights of children to grow up not as orphans but in families; not in institutions, but in homes. 

Research shows the long-term scars that institutional care and lack of early attachment leave on a child for the rest of his life. And although we believe that a loving family in a child’s birth country is the most beneficial so a child can easily maintain his culture and heritage, we know that it is not always possible. When an adoptive family is not viable or available in his or her home country, his human right to grow up in a family where he can enjoy attachment, protection and provision should not be relinquished. No child is better served by living in his home country as a forever orphan in an institution than by growing up in a different culture as a beloved son or daughter.

It's easy to sit back and wonder how one can even make a dent in this overwhelming problem. But the truth is, we cannot afford to sit back. We cannot afford to be silent. We cannot afford to do nothing. Because in many cases - and for many sick, needy and special needs superheroes - it could literally mean death.

Two passionate mamas, Michelle at Of Capes and Combat Boots and Lisa at Open Hearts for Orphans have created a special toolkit to inspire and guide you in the battle, because we absolutely must engage in the war to save international adoption. We know that - ultimately - adoption of EVERY kind has the ability to heal, transform and even save children’s lives. And if we don’t speak for the voiceless and the vulnerable, who will?

"Orphan Care Warfare" is a simple, prayerful, five-step guide to advocacy. As we take inventory of our everyday personal blessings, let us remember, and pray for, the forgotten ones — our little brothers and sisters in Christ scattered throughout the world. The Lord calls us to care for them.

Let’s put on the armor of God!

Download the devotional here: Orphan Care Warfare