Easter

I must confess that I lived, for many years, without my focus on the real meaning of it all. My thoughts were absorbed by the bunnies, the eggs, the chocolate...everything material. Of course I knew what Easter was all about, but I chose to--sadly--march on blindly while failing to give this sacred season the homage and the glory that it deserves. 

For God's sake, it is the pinnacle of our Christian faith. How could I walk around so nonchalantly about it all?  

Thank God He loves me. And that He is forgiving.

I am eternally grateful that my faith was cracked wide-open when Jimmy and I underwent the RCIA process at St. Vincent Ferrer Catholic Church in 2006. The Easter Triduum has never been the same for me.  And the forty days leading up to it are no exception.

There are a couple other reasons why Easter is also so special to us. It is one of the few holidays we spent with Daniel in our lives, and certainly the most meaningful. It is no coincidence, I'm sure, that he was home in our family for this sacred time that promises us all the hope of our salvation. Of course, we didn't know God's plan then, but we are grateful for those special memories now.

Three years ago, Daniel did get to enjoy the fun festivities typically involved with Easter. He dyed eggs with Madi, Sophia, and Carmelina. He hunted for eggs in the backyard with cousins, Murphy and Myles. He ate chocolate kisses at 6 a.m. with his big sister, and discovered the joys of an Easter basket full of goodies. He didn't know what any of it meant, and he really didn't seem to care. He was an "old soul." Daniel just took it all in stride and enjoyed the ride more than the "stuff" that accompanied the experience.

And Charlie...he was baptized at the Easter Vigil two years ago. After everything we'd been through with losing Daniel, we knew that the Easter Vigil, in all of it's glory and joyful celebration, was the perfect time for Charlie's baptism. In front of an entire faithful assembly of believers as witnesses to God's mercy...and HIS goodness. 

On this day when we remember that He gave His life for humanity, we are so humbly thankful for all of the blessings He has bestowed upon us.  Glory to you, oh Lord.

Daniel dying eggs with the girls.

Charlie's baptism at the Easter Vigil

Five more

Today's book signing at Family Christian was such fun. I sold five books, which might not sound like a lot, but I think it's huge. Because five more hearts were opened to Daniel today. And five more lives may be inspired by his journey in some way!

But more than the number books sold, today was amazing because of the conversations that took place. I met some real folks today, and I was given the opportunity to witness my faith. I also enjoyed hearing faith testimonies from others who took time to share them with me. There were several women who shed some tears as they listened to Daniel's journey and our family's walk of faith. Let's just say there was a lot of hugging going on in that store today! Several people even offered up possible contacts for the book at their various churches, and I walked away with a brand new to-do list!

Everywhere I looked, it seemed there were signs of Daniel--up on the wall, over my left shoulder--a picture frame with the poem "Broken Chain" printed on it. Does that sound familiar? You might recognize it because it's printed in the book. The poem's creator, Ron Tranmer, graciously granted me permission to share its lovely message.  And to the left of me--a wall hanging with Psalm 91 printed on it--a Bible verse that was also mentioned in the book and one that I leaned on during our time in the hospital.

Thankfully, I've been invited back!  I hope to be there every few months. I am so grateful for more experiences to connect with seemingly total strangers, who are all really just my brothers and sisters in Christ!

My table at the front entrance.

This is my first customer of the day.

Blessed with Full hands: With An Open Heart - A Book Review

Blessed with Full hands: With An Open Heart - A Book Review: This book review was a long time in coming.  I first have to apologize to Lisa Murphy for that!  Lisa, the author, graciously sent me a c...

Love. surprises.

This weekend, as I perused through a folder on my computer labeled "Downloads," I found a zip file named "Daniel 042010."

To my surprise, when I opened the folder, there were some beautiful shots of Daniel!

Photos that we had completely forgotten about. They were taken at Jonathon's birthday party (Jonathon from the book) on April 20th, 2010.

I love surprises like this.

Jimmy and I think that we were probably so preoccupied with Daniel's upcoming surgery at the time that these photos, taken by a friend, were "put aside" for later viewing.

And now "later" comes three years down the road.

Suffice it to say that we were both smiling from ear to ear when we rediscovered these gems.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nunc Coepi!

Sometimes as I awaken in the dawn of day, he is in my thoughts...our son who's gone before us.

Most of the time, my brain is able to sufficiently push away the pain...to bury it down deep inside somewhere where I can't consciously feel it.

But sometimes it sets in like dark skies over the Northeast in winter.

Reality smacks.  He's gone.

My body tenses; my palms sweat. The brain wants to reopen the wound; my heart tries to forget.

My mind races as I take a mental trip back to the hospital that May day. His surgery was a supposed success. I want to start over right from there. Please Lord, give me back that day.

Then my brain flashes over to my own trial that day. I begin to anger as I recall the events. Why Lord did I have to experience, for the first time in my life, the painful rupturing of endometrial cysts in my abdomen on that very morning?  Why Lord, when Daniel needed me more than ever, did my own body have to fail on that particular day, forcing me to focus more on my own exhaustion instead of my son's? If I were only there--right by his side--for every single second of that night, would I have been awakened to the signs of his struggle? Could I have saved his life?

Why, Lord, why?

I feel the wetness of tears on my face as I internalize these questions and ponder over life without him.

I want a do-over.

But I can't have one.

And then my random thoughts jump for safety to the sacred Latin words I learned at a recollection Mass a couple of months back. I cling to them tightly.

Nunc Coepi!

"Now I Begin."

The meaning, as described by Saint Jose Maria Escriva (the founder of Opus Dei), is "the cry of a soul in love which, at every moment, whether it has been faithful or lacking in generosity, renews its desire to serve — to love — our God with a wholehearted loyalty."

I am forced to pray. That is all I can do. Pray that Daniel is still with us in spirit. Pray that God continues to bless our lives.  Pray that the Holy Spirit fills us each day so we can glorify Him.

And the pain begins to slowly seep from my body, depart from my brain. The sadness subsides, and my holes are, once again, filled with hope, and filled with faith in Him who gave His life for us.

I close my eyes and picture Daniel's precious face and his sweet smile. My heart overflows with joy, for he was loved, and he still is.

Today is a new day. A new day to place my trust in God's plan all over again. And I am thankful for it.

Goodreads

I have learned so much through the process of creating this book.

One of the resources that I discovered, with the help of my publisher, is Goodreads.

Who knew that such a cool portal existed for reading aficionados to share their recommendations?

I am not an avid reader by any stretch. In fact, my reading goes in spurts. I tend to gravitate to books much like mine. I prefer non-fiction, and I am fascinated with true stories about real people.

Turns out that Goodreads is also a terrific resource for authors, too. Though I signed up with them months ago, I am still in the process of uncovering all the services that they offer.

And this weekend I discovered that they do book giveaways.  So I created one!

In the month of March, I am giving away two four copies of my book in hopes of some reviews (hopefully positive...fingers crossed:)

If you are not yet on Goodreads and love to read, this might be a fun site for you to explore!

And while you are there, please enter to win a copy of With an Open Heart!  The link can be found at the top of the column on the right side of this blog.