A dream of a friend

Our emotions have been running so high with our new adoption, and I have been--admittedly--so over-focused with the paper-chasing, fundraising, and all of the minute details that cause one's mind to become a bit cluttered.

Then, yesterday, our dear friend, Sherril, who was a big part of our journey with Daniel, showed up at our yard sale asking, "Did you see my email?"  She filled me in about it briefly, but when I finally had the time to sit down and read her email last night, I was overcome with emotion:

"I had the most wonderful dream last night. You and I were driving down this beautiful street, and we kept seeing something blue. We kept looking and we finally saw what it was. 

It was Daniel sitting on the side of a stream...almost in it, with his back against the side. He was wearing his blue striped onesie. You ran and picked him up and hugged him, and I hugged him, and we couldn't make sense if it was real or not so we were talking like we had to have a doctor check him to see if he was real. I wouldn't tell Jules until we found out. 

I don't remember after that but I do remember that it felt so real! All I could think of when I woke was that I got to see you hug him again, I hope somehow you felt it!!! It was the most beautiful dream I have ever had!"

Sherril's dream brought tears to my eyes, because it reminded me of the one time that I was blessed by a dream--or visitation--from Daniel and how very real it was. I truly could feel him and awoke with the same emotion that Sherril felt, as if I were really with him. And today, I can actually close my eyes, and I can imagine hugging him again, just like in her dream. 

Such a blessing that Daniel reached out to Aunt Sherril...

 I love that baby so much. Forever.

The Sale

I see the hands and feet of Jesus in people, and it overwhelms my heart. Yesterday was no exception.

We decided, a few weeks ago, to have a garage sale to help raise funds for our adoption. It was a great plan since Jimmy's been on me for months to get that garage cleaned out. So I began plugging away with emails, and flyers, and Facebook posts about the event.

I am amazed, sometimes, at the people who step forward to champion your cause, and how it's not always who you'd expect. It's like God has armed our family with new warriors with each adoption journey, while we continue to be blessed by the old. We are so incredibly thankful to see how the Holy Spirit works in our lives.

Many friends began sending messages that they wanted to donate items for us to sell. We collected so much that we had to start storing items inside the house!  Today our garage is so full, that we have enough for another sale next month!

The days leading up to yesterday were tense. If you've ever had a garage sale in South Florida, you understand why. It can be a draining experience to say the least, and it seemed that everyone we knew had other plans. I was beginning to imagine an ugly scenario, sadly.  But then, plans fell through, and friends offered, out of the blue, to come and assist. Thank you, Jesus. We needed them! I am savoring some priceless moments that I won't forget any time soon. And Madi...oh our beautiful daughter. She was such a big help and donated all of the money from the sale of her toys, including her Barbie dream house and Barbie collection.

Some of our friends showed up and shopped til they dropped. Some friends stopped by only to give a donation, which blew us away, too. It was truly a great success. Like a fifteen hundred dollar success.  Yeah...you read it right...our home study is paid for in full.  Can I get a hallelujah??  

Amen.

But this was one of the true highlights of my day... 

In the driveway appears a woman, who was accompanied by a young lady carrying a baby. As I approached them, she kindly says to me, "Are you Lisa?"  

"Yes," I respond with curiosity, since they didn't appear familiar to me.

She introduces herself, and goes on to say, "We know all about your family, and we know all about your son, Daniel."  Her words sent tears immediately to my eyes, and I could see that her daughter's were welling up, too, as she hugged her baby tightly. 

"We've read your book...our whole family has read your book, and Daniel has inspired us so much." 

At that point, I had to hug them both. They had instantly joined that special place in my heart, the space that's reserved for our precious angel and those who love him. 

And then she tells me a story. "The day after I finished reading your book, it was a beautiful day with no rain in sight, I went outside and there before me was the most beautiful rainbow in the sky."

"I knew it was Daniel!" she says, and I told my daughter, "you have to read the book, and then you'll understand!"

Goosebumps.

Can you imagine?  That our little guy had such an impact on this beautiful family?  Oh my heart.

I asked them if they wanted to look around, but they declined. They had driven from forty-five minutes away just to deliver the message that they'd heard what we are doing, and they wanted to help our cause. Then she handed me an envelope, which I tucked into my purse.

We hugged again, and they went on their way.  That one single blessed encounter made up for every horrid moment of brutal negotiation that had taken place that morning.

When we opened that envelope, my heart was overwhelmed yet again.

There are no words to express our gratitude for such an outpouring of love and support from everyone.

Just, thank you all so, so much. We are truly blessed, and grateful for all of it.

Let's Begin with an Announcement...

The start of National Adoption Month seems quite apropos to share this post. This one's been on my heart for a while...

The waiting children.

There are so many of them out there in this world...an estimated 150,000,000 orphans longing for a family to call their own, and some desperately needing the love and support of a family without even knowing it. Child advocacy is an act of God, and I am constantly amazed at how I see His hands and heart working through countless, loving people. Once again, I have seen miracles come from Facebook and Yahoo groups. 

As I found myself, this year, verbally advocating for "the least of these" to friends, I realized that it is our family who needs to answer the call once again. The Holy Spirit has been totally working on me this year to bring home one more. I suppose I began strongly feeling this call from above at the tail end of 2012, when I wrote this post.

And the intense feeling just kept growing and swelling within me.

I prayed for months for the Holy Spirit to open Jimmy's heart, too, since I know that this will be a burden on his shoulders, financially, given the advent of his new real estate career this year. But I knew that eventually he would warm up to the idea. After all, my husband has a heart of gold.

That brings me to our BIG, joyous National Adoption Month announcement...we're going back to China! We started building our dossier over the summer and our home study report is almost complete. We have officially applied with Holt International Children's Services, the same agency who brought us our two precious sons.

The fact is...we may not "have it all," but we have enough to give to another child, especially when you consider their current living conditions in an institution. And we have enough love in our hearts. That is what really matters, isn't it?  I guess some would argue that it's not, but we believe we'll reap so much more joy and happiness by having another family member to love.

We are wise enough to know that we won't be able to do this alone, so, I've decided to start a "Trading Stuff for Love" fundraising campaign to help bring this child home. And we are going to sell some of our "prized possessions" knowing that the end result will be so completely beautiful and worth it.

I'll likely be posting these items through our With an Open Heart facebook page.  If you simply "Like" the page at your convenience, you will be able to view the TSFL posts and you can bid on the items (kinda like a silent auction) by sending us a message with a bid/donation amount. The highest bidder gets the item. Pretty simple, right?  Lord, I hope it works...

We humbly ask for your prayers on this journey. And for discernment about that child--our daughter--who waits for us. She will have special needs, and we pray that God equips us to meet them.

We realize that not everyone is called to the adoption ministry, but we have been. It is our sincere desire to say "yes" to God, and through our obedience, we hope and pray that He will be glorified, and that another child will come to know Jesus through the love of a family.

Giving.

I am so excited and thankful for all the purchases of With an Open Heart. Those purchases have allowed us to do a little bit of giving so far this year, and I truly love this part!!

We donated to the Run for the Little Flowers, an event organized by Katie Murphy each year to benefit the Little Flower Projects. Their special body of work includes hospice care for orphans, special medical care for infants, and long-term medical care for severely disabled children.

We donated to Harmony Outreach to help a little girl named Kirsten get her life-saving surgery to fix her broken heart.

We donated to a fantastic and worthy organization called Love Without Boundaries to help support one of their Healing Homes. I recently learned that LWB only keeps under 2% of their donations for administration. The rest goes directly to the kiddos. Gotta love them for that.

And most recently, we donated to A Childs Hope International by purchasing meals for The Orphan's Table on Orphan Sunday. This organizations provides food packets, free of charge, to orphans around the world, and our donations help cover the cost to ship them. They run 100% by donation only! You too can participate by purchasing these packets, and on Orphan Sunday (November 3rd), you can gather with family/friends for prayer and discussion and share a meal eaten by orphans around the world. See the links above for more information. I purchased 15 meals to give out at my upcoming book signing. Recipients to be chosen by the Holy Spirit!

We have also given more than a few books away to the adoption community for fundraising purposes for use in giveaways and silent auctions. I love doing this because it gives us the ability to share Daniel's story AND support a good cause...definitely a win-win!

Our giving will continue, but I just wanted to give y'all an update on what's been happening so far! We are so humbled and grateful beyond measure, friends, to be able to give back in Daniel's memory.

Hopefully, our baby boy's angel wings will continue to spread far and wide. Thank you so much for your support. All Glory to God!

Averie: a Princess and an Angel

It is a really sad time for some dear friends of ours. Today is the day they bury their teenage daughter, Averie, whose life ended last week. She was a true princess.

Why is this relevant to With an Open Heart, you wonder?

I've meant to post about this particular family for a long, long time. Jimmy worked with Averie's father, Tim, for several years at John Deere Landscapes. They became very close friends in time. And when Daniel was in the hospital, this family decided to become an anonymous group of princesses who sent large, gift-filled boxes to Madi in an effort to boost her spirits.

Well, the tradition then continued after Daniel went to Heaven. For each holiday, and sometimes in between, Madi received these great big boxes filled with her favorite snacks, candies, and some toys in the mix. It was so heartwarming to see her face light up when we excitedly announced the arrival of a package from the princesses. She'd grin from ear to ear as she ripped apart the wrapping paper for each item.

Averie was one of those princesses. Her generosity, along with her Mom, Dad, and sister, gave Madi--and our family--so much joy during such a tough, tough time.

And then Charlie came home. He even benefited from their gracious act of kindness, too! These princesses stopped at nothing to keep their sweet tradition going.

This amazing young lady even went on to start her own charity called Nickels for Nutrition.  

Last week, we received word that Averie had gone to Heaven. We'd known she had struggles, as many teens do in the troubled times of our modern world. Can you even imagine the anguish that her parents and sister (and everyone else in her life) must be suffering? My heart bleeds for them, and for Averie. 

Thank God for the unconditional love of our merciful Father! He understands her pain and sadness. I feel certain that Jesus is hugging Averie tightly and holding her close right now.

Tonight is the service to celebrate Princess Averie's life. I was informed, by our religion teacher at St. Vincent's, that today is the Feast of the Guardian Angels, and I found this online:

"Perhaps no aspect of Catholic piety is as comforting to parents as the belief that an angel protects their little ones from dangers real and imagined. Yet guardian angels are not only for children. Their role is to represent individuals before God, to watch over them always, to aid their prayer and to present their souls to God at death. 

The concept of an angel assigned to guide and nurture each human being is a development of Catholic doctrine and piety based on Scripture but not directly drawn from it. Jesus' words in Matthew 18:10 best support the belief: "See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven always look upon the face of my heavenly Father."

I pray that Averie will now look after her family as their guardian angel. May the mere thought of that give them even an ounce of comfort during this difficult time, and may God our Father wrap them in His divine embrace.

Won't you please, please pray for Averie's soul and for the peace and comfort of her family? You can read about her funeral services here. And if you'd like to contribute, in Averie's memory, to her Nickels for Nutrition charity, donations may be mailed to: Nickels for Nutrition, Regions Bank, Attn: Tracy Patino, 7950 Airport Road, North, Naples, FL 34109.

Though I never had a chance to meet you here on earth, Averie, our family will always remember you as one of our special princesses with a generous and open heart, and now you are an angel, too. May your wings spread as wide in Heaven as they did on Earth.

Rest in peace, sweet child.

Change is Good.

It's no secret that I've been working on a revised edition of With an Open Heart. I have changes to make, and I really haven't been quite pleased with the royalty structure with our current publisher. Not that I expect the book to bring in big bucks, but if releasing a second edition will allow us to give more to charity, that would make us very happy. 

I'm continuously amazed at how I've connected with such kind and supportive people, mostly through Facebook, thanks to our widespread adoption community. And now, I've "met" yet another angel to guide me when I recently discovered  a writer named Kay Bratt. 

Kay is a seasoned author of nine books, mostly all about China and her experiences, including her memoir, Silent Tears: A Journey of Hope in a Chinese Orphanage. Upon arriving in China on an expatriate assignment with her husband in 2003, Kay was instantly drawn to the cause of China’s forgotten orphans. Moved beyond tears by the stories of these children, she promised to give them the voice they did not have. With the help of her readers, Kay continues to raise awareness and advocate for at-risk children. 

Kay's most recent work is the new release of The Scavenger's Daughters, which is Book One of her trilogy called Tales of the Scavenger's Daughters, and has already made it into the top 100 Amazon Ebooks making it officially an Amazon Bestseller. I can hardly wait to dig into this one, but Silent Tears is first on my list!

When I wrote to Kay and asked her if she would mind taking a look at my book, she graciously--asking nothing in return--provided me with the most constructive feedback ever. The precise push I needed to get going on those revisions.

Kay's most welcome praise was that the story is beautiful, and "the writing is phenomenal." Okay...I'll gladly take that! But I really need to share that wonderful compliment with Marilyn Murray-Willison, who made me a better writer. My book's writing style would not have been so poetic without her editing assistance and coaching.

So, back to our changes. The key word here is "mystery." The book's formatting needs some. So Kay suggested that I reconfigure some sections to add a little intrigue. Now, I'm full steam ahead with this project and this new challenge.

Yeah...change is good.

Thank you, Kay, for your generous heart!  Thank you for encouraging me to "think big." With your assistance, hopefully Daniel's story will touch many more hearts, and our family appreciates it more than you'll ever know.

Follow Kay on Facebook.
Follow Kay on Twitter.
Follow Kay's blog here.

Miami Book Fair!

I am super-excited about this!  

With an Open Heart has been reviewed by the Miami Book Fair and I'm pleased to announced that I've been accepted as an exhibitor in their Writer's Row section!

This particular book fair has been around for thirty-years now, and it is one of the largest and most well renowned book-centered events going.

Here's a little history:  "Miami held its first book fair, called Books by the Bay, in 1984. The two-day street fair grew steadily each year and by the 1990s, the renamed Miami Book Fair International had become the largest literary festival in the country. The eight-day book party draws hundreds of thousands of book lovers to downtown Miami each November for a festival of all things read and written."

The week long event runs from November 17 - 24. I will be there exhibiting all day on Saturday, November 23rd. Wish me luck!

More details to come as I receive them!

Stopping the Clock

The kids and I were in the car yesterday returning home after visiting with an old friend. Well, not an "old" friend, actually...but rather a dear friend. You know what I mean?  Anyway...you can read more about that here.

On the ride home, we were near the Mausoleum in Boca Raton, where Daniel's ashes "live," so we did not want to pass up a chance to stop.

As we neared the cemetery, Sophia (one of Madi's "sisters") made the observation that Madi is so much closer to Charlie than she was with Daniel. 

I, then, pointed out how Charlie's been part of our family for over two years now, and that Daniel was only with us for four months. I followed up my explanation with, "Doesn't it seem like he was with us for so much longer?"

Sophia replied, "Wow, Auntie Lisa...it's like God stopped the clock for us." 

Such a profound statement from an eight year-old child, isn't it? I wish she had given me that quote before I published the book!

Thank you, Sophia, for your wonderful perspective. Yes, it definitely seems like God stopped the clock for us so that our time with Daniel seems like an eternity.  

Praise Jesus.

The Call

I remember it well, four years ago on this date.

I was driving home in our brand new minivan. Madi and my friend's daughter, Julianna, were in the back seat. We were coming home from the grocery store and the bank when my cell phone rang.

I remember exactly where I was, too, when the call came in. Stopped at a red light, the corner of Atlantic Avenue and Barwick Road. When I saw the caller ID register "Beth Smith," our contact with Holt International Children's Services, my heart skipped a beat. After all this time, the moment's still fresh in my brain.

Two weeks prior, my Mother-in-Law lost her six-year long battle with uterine cancer. We were by her side for the slow decline of her health; her spirit never failed. When that phone call came from our adoption agency, I just knew in my heart that Grandma Pauline was already calling in favors up in Heaven.

"We have a little boy who needs a home," Beth said. I felt the sting of tears as I took in the details of this 18-month old toddler. I desperately needed to "keep it together" in front of the kids, so they wouldn't be aware of what might be unfolding. I called Jimmy right away to prepare his heart.

I made it home with the kids; I'm surprised I remembered how to drive, since my adrenaline was kicked up several notches. I raced into the house, shaking, and waited for the email to arrive. I waited for Jimmy to get home, too.

Together, we opened the email, and there he was. It felt so surreal to meet our son this way.  Those medical conditions listed on his file were completely foreign to both Jimmy and me, and truly...they really didn't matter.

We loved him already. We knew he was destined to be ours.

Jimmy and I did the research about his heart conditions and the medical procedures involved. We battled with fear over the weeks to come. But the work of the Holy Spirit had already been done. God had already opened our hearts to this beautiful special needs orphan whose greatest need was the love of a family.

What struck us most was that he was given up at seven months of age. Our hearts broke for that child who had to have known love. What was going on in that impressionable little mind of his? Jimmy and I agonized over those thoughts. It hurt our hearts to know he was alone.

You know the rest of the story. And if you aren't familiar with it, I've shared Daniel's life in our family, from beginning to end, in the book. I invite you to share in our journey and read about this precious little boy who changed our lives and our hearts.

Forever.

Teresa

You might have seen Facebook postings about Teresa's heart transplant. Perhaps you've been following her family's story all along. Or maybe you saw her precious face on the Today Show. You can read all about her on their family blog.  Teresa's funeral took place this morning.

Our adoption community (and the world) lost a beautiful princess this week, but Heaven gained a most beautiful angel. There were literally thousands of people praying for her--over five thousand--just on the Facebook prayer group alone. This child's reach has been amazing, and as everyone came together to pray for her survival, her passing reminded us that God doesn't always answer prayers the way we expect Him to. 

I hear, through the family's Facebook prayer group, that they are standing strong. I am not surprised. That is surely one of the blessings in loss. It's as if God puts you in a protective bubble. They are surrounded by so much love and support right now. And though grief--as we know--comes in waves, it sounds like they've made a choice to rejoice. This is when real faith kicks in--when we ask ourselves that question from the back cover of With an Open Heart:

"What happens when we have one plan, and God has another?  Do you still believe?

Their family's motto, all along, has been "Believe in Miracles."  They are a faith-filled family, and I feel certain that they still do believe. Teresa's life has been nothing short of a miracle. Teresa loved Jesus so much, that the Catholic Church made a special exception and allowed her to receive her first communion early. She earned that ticket to Heaven.

Tiaras are now being sported all over the world. Families have been inspired to adopt. New charitable organizations have been born, and the ripple effect for the greater good continues. Hearts are bursting open with love--all over the map--because of this one child. There are even mentions that Teresa may become a saint. Her life has made an enormous impact on many. How can you not be joyful about that?  Praise Jesus.

This is one of the ways in which Teresa has impacted me.  I noticed, through the prayer group, that many people were writing about their own little angels, in order to provide words of comfort and inspiration to the family. And then I realized that there are so many other parents out there, like us, who've lost children and have beautiful angels in Heaven meeting Teresa! 

And on the day she went to Heaven, I imagined Teresa being surrounded by children. I believe that Daniel was there to greet her, and it became obvious that other members of the group believe their babies and children were there to greet Teresa, too. 

So, Teresa inspired me to create a Facebook group designed for families who have "Angel Babes." I wanted those of us with angels to connect, so we could all imagine them forming a big circle of love around Teresa. It's not always easy to talk about loss with those who haven't shared such a devastating, yet beautiful, experience. The group has been more of a blessing than I ever imagined or anticipated. The stories I have read are the most amazing and powerful testimonies, much like Teresa's, to the goodness of God! Our forum is also be a "safe" place where we can share ourselves with those who've experienced a similar loss. And even though some members have wounds that are very fresh, it is clear that the group has already proven to be an incredible support system. Teresa is with some wonderful little friends up there.

I hope that someday the Bartlinski family will join us in the group, so they, too, can know some of Teresa's new friends. They, along with sweet Princess Teresa, will always be "honorary members," and on each anniversary of Teresa's passing (July 1st), we will remember her and thank her for bringing us together.

Please continue to pray for their family as they pick up the pieces. If you feel moved to give to their "Believe in Miracles" charity, the information can be found on their website. 

Half the Sky Foundation, who was also instrumental in our Daniel's care, has also created a fund in Teresa's name. Here is the link.

Thank you, Bartlinski family, for sharing your story of faith, love, and courage with the world. This weekend, as we reflect upon receiving the referral--four years ago--of our own China "heart baby" who resides in Heaven, we remember and celebrate your angel, too.

In stone

I recently received an email from our friend, Belen, to inform us that her family has dedicated a memorial brick in Daniel's name in a very special place. The brick will be placed in Madison's Walkway in Keller, TX, where her family moved last year.

This loving gesture meant so much to us. Especially given our history with her family.  You see, Belen's parents, Olimpia and Luis, have lived across the street from us since we moved into the neighborhood in 1998. They watched Jimmy and me live happily, sans children, for plenty of years, and they completely rejoiced at the news that we were starting a family. They fell in love with our little Madi as soon as she arrived home, and they celebrated with us as she blossomed. Papa Luis was always intrigued and impressed by Madi's industrious ways, as he watched our little toddler haul heavy palm fronds to the garbage heap on Thursday afternoons. He truly adored her and admired her tenacity for a little tyke.

And then we made the decision to add to our family. Nana Olimpia and Papa Luis also fell in love with Daniel instantly, and recognized something special within him. Papa Luis saw him as a fighter, given his serious medical condition, which always accompanied by a positive attitude. Papa would light up whenever he saw Daniel charge across the street for a visit with a big smile on his face.

During that time, Papa Luis was diagnosed with cancer, and we slowly watched his physical condition decline over the months to come. It was clear he was in pain much of the time, but his demeanor never failed to brighten in the presence of the children.

When Daniel died, I remember calling across the street to deliver the sad news to Olimpia and Luis that morning. I don't know what I expected, but what I heard over the line, I will never forget. I heard a grown man cry out gutterally in sadness and rage, and he threw the handset to the ground. He couldn't speak to me. His dear wife, Olimpia, picked up the phone and I told her about Daniel, too. They were both devastated.

I also remember coming out of the house, that same day, at the very same time that Belen (their daughter) pulled up to their house. She got out of the car with a perplexed expression, as she noticed the string of cars in our driveway. And when I told her of Daniel's passing, she crumbled.  Crumbled.

There's something about a person's reactions that makes you truly realize the beauty and grace that humanity holds sometimes. Their reactions were ones of pure love. And though our hearts were broken, we were lifted up by their shared sorrow of losing Daniel.

As Papa Luis was admitted in and out of the hospital for treatments, and eventually moved into hospice care, we always made time to visit him. Nana and Papa rejoiced with us, once again, when we decided to go back to China to adopt another child. And when we were matched with Charlie, Madi and I took his referral picture to hospice, and told Papa Luis all about our son who was waiting for us. He was so happy for our family.

Papa Luis passed away on July 4th, 2011, but not before we were home with Charlie, and I was able to take Charlie over to hospice to meet him. I knew in my heart that it meant a lot to Papa Luis, and it meant a lot to us, too. For he was a very special man. One with a great, big open heart. We are blessed to have Nana Olimpia still across the street from us, and we think of Papa Luis often.

So, thank you, Belen, and your wonderful family, for such a beautiful gift to remember our Daniel. We appreciate it more than you'll ever know.

We believe that--up in Heaven--Papa Luis is being a loving Grandpa to Daniel right now. That thought gives us comfort.

Pop Tabs 2013

We made a sizable pop tab delivery to the Ronald McDonald House today.

It is so incredibly heartwarming that people are still collecting pop tabs in memory of Daniel. Madi's alumni preschool, First United Methodist Church, and the parish congregation, continue to collect them, and they are responsible for the bulk of our donation today. We totally filled their garbage bin!

Gracious.

We took only a small group of kids on this field trip, due to the smaller scale of the Fort Lauderdale property. The management gave us a tour of the facilities so the kids could, once again, see how their donations help families in need. That tour really puts things into perspective.

There are so many great ways to help their cause. Not only through pop tab donations, but also through their Adopt-A-Meal program, donating items on their wish list and much, much more.

Please, when you have the time, visit their website to find the ways in which you can help them. Having relied on their services when Daniel was in the hospital, I can safely say that they services are a Godsend.

 

 

Sacred Heart

Our adoption community lost two precious heart babies from China on Friday; a precious little girl named Zoe, and a sweet little boy named John Thomas. Both of these angels were around the same age as Daniel was when he went to Heaven. Much like our path, both families recently embarked on their journeys to adopt these children and fell in love with them instantly. And though these babes weren't in their lives long, it is clear that their families loved them unconditionally and wholeheartedly.

I felt so silent yesterday. While I don't know these families personally, I desperately want to reach out and help them. But how? And so, I am left feeling paralyzed. I know the emotions that lie ahead for these parents and siblings. I know the pain in their hearts. The aching to see those sweet faces and to touch their children's soft skin again. The pangs of questioning how this could happen after these children waited so long for families to love them. To finally fall asleep only to wake up and realize it's not a bad dream. It's their new reality.

But I also know that God is the real medicine that will heal their wounds. I hear that they are both faith-filled families, and I am so glad that Jesus is their anti-depressant, and faith is their painkiller (the same trusty medicine that our family relied on). It appears both families are adored and lifted up by their communities, so that also gives me tremendous peace.  The gaping holes in their souls will surely be filled again.

And then I remembered something else. Something BIG. 

Friday was the first Friday honoring the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus! What a beautiful day to meet Him! I find it miraculous that these babes went to Heaven on such a special day in our Catholic faith.  It was the same way I felt about Daniel departing from the earth on Trinity Sunday.  

Hallelujah.

This is some of the text from our Living Liturgy about the Sacred Heart of Jesus:

"The human heart is a symbol for love and life. This solemnity in honor of the Sacred Heart of Jesus is a day on which we not only rejoice in Jesus' intimate relationship with us, but also in his incredible sacrificial love. The Sacred Heart is a divine heart that loves totally, rejoices fully, and gives life freely."

I will now remember these precious children each year on a very special day in our faith honoring the Sacred Heart of Jesus. 

Please pray for the Carr family and the Hammond family, and their angels who've entered the Kingdom of Heaven.  May their broken hearts be completely healed by the Hands and Heart of God.

I can only hope that Daniel's being a good big brother up there. I just know he is :)

Adoption-Share.

I recently reached out to Thea Ramirez at Adoption-Share to find out more about their adoption ministry. During our correspondence, I was completely honored when Thea asked if they could share our story in their June newsletter! Adoption-Share was created by an adoption social worker who recognized a need within the adoption community for free exchange of information and resources relating to the adoption process. For more information about their services, please visit their website or like their Facebook page.

Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow.

 

Thanks to all of you who remembered Daniel yesterday or said a prayer for him. One dear friend even reported a rainbow sighting. I was hoping that I would see one, too, but I didn't.

I wonder if some of you still feel sorry for us. Please don't. We are clearly not in a "woe is me" place. We're really not.

And some of you might think, "Will they ever move on?"  Trust me when I say that we have moved on. We just choose to bring Daniel with us. He is our son, now...and forever. Even if we can't see him.

I know that some of you might feel sympathetic for the painful emotions we've endured in the past three years, but haven't we all?  Haven't we all suffered in ways that bring us closer to God? I hope so, because I believe that's where faith is deepened and defined. It's through our suffering that we see the real beauty of His sacrifice and His love for us.

We truly feel like God is saying, "Daniel's here with me, and he's fine. You'll be fine, too, I promise. Trust me. It will be okay."

Here we sit three years after our son's mission in this life ended, and Jimmy and I still feel so very blessed.  

We were the ones who got to be Daniel's parents and love him to Heaven. And there's endless joy in that truth.

Trinity Sunday

Even though Daniel went to Heaven on May 30th according to the calendar, it was also Trinity Sunday that year. So we choose to celebrate our son's birth into Heaven on Trinity Sunday, which is a Holy day honoring the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. It will mark three years of his passing.

Tomorrow's 8:30 a.m. Mass at St. Vincent's will be dedicated to Daniel, and if we arrive in plenty of time (fingers crossed), we will arrange to carry up the gifts to the altar.

Today was was the day in which Kathy (Jimmy's sister) flew in to meet Daniel for the first time. She had detected the urgency in Jimmy's voice that week, and decided to come down from Michigan. Kathy was able to hold Daniel's hand, kiss his face, and talk to him in person. What a blessing before he left us in the wee hours of the morning.

Interesting that Kathy is here with us today. She and Kelsey flew in for Murphy's graduation ceremony and party (you know Murphy...he's in the book:), so as timing would have it, we are reunited, again, to remember Daniel and our last days with him.

It occurred to me that, during the last three years, (while I certainly wouldn't judge someone for doing what they need to do as they muddle through the grieving process), I am so thankful that Jesus has been my anti-depressant, and faith has been my painkiller.

I don't know how we would have carried on without His love and His divine embrace. We are blessed to be in a spiritually good place.

Remembering you this weekend and always, Daniel James Weifeng Murphy. I promise to keep spreading your precious life through this world.  Beauty from ashes.

Mother's Day Blessings

Last week had been a rough couple of days for Jimmy and me, recounting the days of Daniel's surgery and his post-operative decline.

And I think the anticipation of Mother's Day, personally, gave me a whirlwind of emotions, too.

But the Holy Spirit definitely spoke to me last weekend, at Mother's Day Mass last Saturday.

One of the readings was from Ephesians, and it included the scripture verse that I'd selected, months ago, for the header of this blog homepage! Do you see it?

"May the eyes of your heart be illuminated, so that you may know what is the hope of His calling, and the wealth of the glory of His inheritance with the saints" - Ephesians 1:18 

Of all the Bible verses, what are the chances of that? I kinda felt like the Holy Spirit was telling me everything was okay up there. And then on Sunday, I truly felt at peace and was able to spend Mother's Day enjoying time with my family at the beach. It was a happy day.

Last Monday, I drove up to New Smyrna Beach to give my testimony to about thirty Christian women from a group called Belong. 

It was an incredible experience, and for once I didn't feel nervous while speaking. Well, okay...maybe a little nervous. But nothing compared to my usual speaking phobia. I suppose because I felt quite humbled and honored to present at their Mother's Day luncheon to share our family's story, and my journey to motherhood--which includes my journey to a deepened faith. And I truly loved the way my presentation came together, thanks to help from the Holy Spirit and my devout friend, Carrie. I now feel like, based on the feedback I received, that I should actually break out of my shell even further to glorify God and entertain more speaking engagements. I'll work on that...

As usual, through the sharing of Daniel's story, I made some great new introductions. One woman, who was one of my "eye contact people" during my presentation, came over to tell me that her nephew owns an art gallery in Delray Beach. Of course, I had to know his name, and when she told me, Salvatore Principe, I knew exactly who he was!

In fact, one of the main subjects he's famous for painting...are you ready for this?  

Hearts. Yes, we have one of his hearts hanging in our bedroom!

I also connected with an older woman who suffered a similar loss of a young child many years ago, and just recently found Jesus. I was thankful that she related to our story, but more thankful that she had finally felt the peace and comfort that only our eternal Father can give.

And another woman approached me to say that her daughter's family is just beginning an adoption process!  Oh how I hope she'll contact me if she needs any support along the way!

Encounters such as these are what keep Daniel living and giving in my heart. I am amazed at how his little light shines and makes me a better person with each experience. And I am so eternally thankful that the Holy Spirit continues to lead the way in this journey.

Three years ago

Three years ago today, my emotions were stirring.

Jimmy and I were headed down to Miami with Daniel.

We'd just parted ways with Madi, and with my parents, at this very time. I can still remember the pit in my stomach. The innate fear of any parent facing major surgery.

Lord, can we please turn this car around? Can we just drive the other way and live happily ever after?

Our son was a different child that day. He possessed an air of confidence that was both noticeable and new.

I still remember our last meal together that evening. Jimmy and I slept with Daniel between us that night. If I'd only known the future, I would've made him sleep between us every night.

These are some of the last pictures we have with our son. We cherish them.

 

 

 

Daniel's open-heart surgery took place three years ago tomorrow, and well, if you know us, or if you've read the book, you know how our son's journey to Heaven unfolded before us in the nineteen days to come.

We can't change it. We can't go back. Our faith tells us to trust, and to believe.

And we do.

But that doesn't mean it's always easy.

Love you, Dan Dan.

Guest Post - The Sparrow Fund

Part of our mission, in Daniel's memory, is to support adoption causes and to assist families in their adoption processes. This is an initiative that is very close to our hearts. And I am so happy to have found an organization to partner with.

This month, we have the honor of being a nest-builder for The Sparrow Fund. For the month of May, we will donate 20% of our book sales (only through the PayPal link on this page due to track-ability) to their cause. I am so happy to have connected with The Sparrow Fund, and to have found a new partner that shares a similar passion. I pray that, in Daniel's memory, we can help pay forward this blessing called adoption, and help others build their nests.

Without further ado, I give you Kelly Raudenbush from The Sparrow Fund...

Have you ever considered adopting? Simply looking at the stats, about a third of you have. About 30% of Americans have seriously considered adopting. Yet, only 2% have actually adopted. That means that of those who say they’ve seriously considered adopting, 14 out of 15 don’t ever do it.

Why not? Well, it’s daunting—the financial cost, the impact this child will have on your family, the unknowns…so many unknowns. It’s no easy thing. We get that, because it was daunting for us.

As we walked that road ourselves and alongside other families like ours, we saw a need. That 2% of families who were taking that leap of faith to bring a child into their family through adoption—they needed more support. So, we took the leap of faith ourselves to do whatever we could to do just that.

Two years ago, The Sparrow Fund was started to give grants to families specifically for the purpose of family support through programs around the country that provide pre-adoption support and counsel, on-call support for families while they travel across the world to meet their children and bring them home, and support once they are home to help both the parents, new son or daughter, and family as a whole become a family.

Recognizing more need, we added programs to encourage and support families from those waiting to meet their children to those who have been home for years. We’ve helped families learn about the unique needs of children who have been adopted in the classroom and how to use correction as a vehicle of connection with their children in a way that is sensitive to them and their histories. And, we offered a weekend retreat for couples to be reminded of their calling as parents and refreshed to continue serving their children.

We’re not interested in growing the number of families adopting; that’s not our focus. Rather, our focus is on pouring into that 2% who are adopting; we want to love and serve them and do whatever we can to make the daunting a little less daunting. And, maybe, just maybe, as the daunting becomes less daunting and the support available becomes more readily available, we’ll see more of those families who have seriously considered adopting say, “maybe we can do this afterall.”

There’s something special happening this month. A whole bunch of folks are now coming alongside of us, saying, “Yes, we support adoptive families and the work of The Sparrow Fund to pour into them. And, we want to help.” This May, in our third annual fundraiser, about 50 businesses have made a commitment to help us build the nest so that we can help others as they build their nests. In addition to event sponsors, these business partners have made the commitment to give 10% of their total sales during the month of May to The Sparrow Fund so that we can do what we do.

That’s where you come in. We need you to click HERE In to see all the businesses and then we need you to shop purposefully. There’s really no better way to shop. Share the link with your friends. Let people know about this easy and fun way to help! Together, we can make that 10% something crazy big.

Forever changed by our experience of being adopted and adopting, Kelly Raudenbush is a stay-at-home mom/manager to 4 children and a professional juggler, juggling her calling as wife and mother with her secondary callings (editing and serving adoptive families through The SparrowFund). You can learn more about their adoption story, how they've been changed, and what life for them looks like on their personal blog, MyOverthinking (where she's going to have some super sweet giveaways this month, by the way).